Sometimes You Feel Like A...

Am I naive? Am I too conservative and traditional? Possible. What I am is horrified by this:

What is it? Oh, it's a snickers bar with caffeine added. Now I'm just as fascinated as the next person with the swath of products that now offer caffeine, but snickers? Really? Have we really become so lazy that we can't drink a cup of coffee and eat a candy bar? Is time really that tight? Can this thing really taste anything but cloyingly sweet with a chemical aftertaste? If anyone has dared try this, please offer your experience up. Sometimes your only purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Entschuldigen Sie mich

I have once again been slacking in my duties as author, comic, critic, and all around annoying purveyor of words and images. Forgive me. I'm in something of a manic period. In the last 24 hours I've sewed and decorated 3 skirts, dyed my hair, driven 40 miles, faxed 292 pieces of paper that it took me a week to create (government grant billing at work) taken 3 months worth of recycling to the solid waste district, cleaned my home, 2 litter boxes and a 75 gallon turtle tank, and slept a total of 2 hours. And if you back up from there you discover that I also purchased two pairs of shoes in addition to the three pairs I purchased the week before. In my defense, they are all very colorful and heavily patterned.

And I have no heat. And it's supposed to snow again tomorrow. Again.

And who keeps voting for the flaming dr. pepper?

Bottle Rockets Away!

I knew I liked Canada:

B.C. Inventor Wants to Put Pop Bottle Rocket Into Orbit

No time to follow the link? Here's the intro paragraph for your entertainment:

"CHILLIWACK, B.C. - Mr. Widget wants to go to space.

Ken Schellenberg, who has adopted the alter-ego on his company website, wants to put a simple but highly engineered bottle rocket into orbit."

Science is wonderful. And so are Canadians.

Happy Day of Greeting Cards and Candy

To all my readers, I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. Not to sound too sappy, but regardless of your view of this specific holiday, I ask that you take it as an opportunity to tell those in your life what they mean to you. That's almost never a bad idea.

(sculpture by Nathan Sawaya)

And to my Michael-Jackson-Ski-Jacket-wearing, post-punk-singing, shiny-object-lovin', hand-rolled-cigarette-smoking, gin-and-tonic-drinking, coffee-and-bagel-addicted, sweetest guy on earth Valentine, never forget that you rock my world.

The Line Has Been Crossed

How you know when you work with tools far too often:

Y0u find your heat gun next to the nori and the baking cups on your pantry shelf.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

As I have mentioned previously, I am a die hard Red Sox fan. I can't help it. It's in my blood, as evidenced in the email I received from my mother this morning:

"Saturday the truck left with the equipment for Florida. It is one of my favorite days of the year.

Love MOM"

She is, of course, referring to the truck transporting red sox equipment to spring training. So for her and all the other baseball fans out there, I propose a new holiday. Screw the spring equinox, I say the first day of spring training shall forever and here on out referred to as "The Official First Day of Spring". I mean, think about it. What else so purely represents a sense of optimism and renewal as the first day of baseball season? So come February 15th, a mere 5 days from now, workouts begin for 30 teams. Can you feel it? Can you feel the goosebumps, the shiver of excitement? Hang on dear readers, especially those of you who like me are staring out the window at a blizzard, for spring is a week away!

Audience Participation Needed

Hello all. So it's Friday. And the weekend approaches. And I have set aside tomorrow for junk store surfing in hopes of finding a lot of neat looking objects that I may bodge together and create a lamp. But this isn't about junk store finds (though tomorrow's post may be...) but rather on one of my favorite topics - fire. Last night at a local restaurant I saw that these find restaurateurs offered an alcoholic beverage that comes lit on fire. I, probably using my good judgment as opposed to my normal horrible judgment, opted for rum drinks with lychees and a most disturbing nuclear green martini called the kermitini (see? see why I ordered it? why do I do so many, many things based on their novelty factor?). But I'm stuck on the idea of flaming drinks. I plan to pursue this further with a little help from my old pal google, but in the mean time, does anyone have a good recipe for a drink that can be lit on fire? I suppose the main point would be to include something of a high enough proof to cut through any additional liquid, but I, selfishly enough, would also like it to be reasonably palatable. So I throw open the doors of suggestion to you, my poor readers. Thoughts?

N.B. I would like to survive this endeavor with my liver intact, so please be kind.

Newspapers - Good for More than Information

I have a confession to make: I'm not good with free time. For example, tonight I had a few spare hours with little to do and a copy of Seven Days from two weeks ago. I submit to you the results:







I'll make better ones next time...